Birds and bees
by Elendilmir
Summary: Mirror!Spock's wedding. McCoy's POW.


That's what poetic justice is about.

He is ill. You had to patch him up for scratches, wounds, _brainlessness _(one of the best memories) - now he's fallen to his own biology. Like Scott (to alcohol), Chekov (whose tribble-induced levels of cruelty are unimaginable), Uhura (thank Orions for PMS-controlling pills)...

Frankly, the image of Captain Kirk, war hero and ruthless bastard all along, saying "birds and bees biology, Bones" in hushed and disbelieving voice is unnerving, but. You also could do without alliteration, considering that Kirk's idea of punch lines is that they are always literal. Meaning that you have to start laughing _or else_.

Nurse Chapel is in coma instead of a shore leave, and you've yet to decide on two reconstructed security ops for the next agonizer surely will be their last. Last time she got beaten was when agony booth overheated and the Captain had to resort to ancient methods (not to mention Chekov's canniballistic tet-a-tet with guys from the booth. _Everyone _was on their best behaviour for a _week_). So perhaps Mr. Spock got the least bit paranoid when he saw her plomeek huggis. Who wouldn't? Still, it's a shame that Garrovick and Thompson were so enamored with little Christine. Oh, yes, our little Chris has quiet an army of defenders. Well, minus two now. _Perhaps _they will think it over next time.

You bitch over the way transporters do wonders on hypos, you bitch over the death rate for Terrans on Hobgoblins' planet, you bitch over Kirk's luck and Spock's timing. Inside, you're planning of taking Scott' still hostage and forgetting it all for a few... hours? as if.

You bitch over psych evals so confusing that no dirtside-bound specialist understands your actions - _Enterprise _has a thing for mutiny and rebellion against Our Dear Empire as if her crew was from another darned dimension... Whatever spies Admiralty got on board were ruled out by sheer life expectancy.

_Who'll betray The Trio now_, you think, standing on the pad and once again believing that Scotty won't pulverize Starfleet Finest for fun. _Not that he can't. There was one occasion with Tellarite Ambassador..._ but focus.

No way in Orion it can end well.

Vulcan wedding. You were right to dislike it prematurely. No booze but here's the rival - much like Jocelyn's Treadway doll. Though you have to agree that bride's all hot and regal more then Joyce ever was. In fact, everything here's hot._ And even Kirk gets regal when he's scared shitless._

At least theirs is a civil parting. Oh, no! Kill or be killed! _How nice._ You'll abduct the Stonn's body for science, if luck holds. Or Spock's. Though his father will want him back. _Shame_.

Kirk's finally gone mad. The lengths he goes to keep his exec. Not that the T'Pring dominatrix gave him a choise, but... Thank Emperor's current God you have no Security around. Jim'd be killed instead of committing suicide like he's trying to. _Not "Jim", you stupid inner voice. Never "Jim"._

For a second you imagine Spock as more then Acting Captain.

For a second you imagine Kirk short of his Vulcan pet.

It's up to you to save one of them - or both - probably starting an interplanetary war if the challenge isn't fulfilled. _Would be fun._

Luckily for Empire, Vulcan and Treadway you resist temptation uncommonly well.

Hobgoblin's pale, devastated and lethal all the same. The usual way of promotion doesn't appeal to him. Our Vulcan here got the stripes for his _brain_.

You relish him still being emotional even after 'the fires' went cold. It's there in his face - a pain so pure, so badly written unlike when you save him from certain death on the biobed, the certain death that is wounds and blood loss and _Excalibur_'s demise. How curious. _It's guilt, isn't it?_

_Excalibur _wasn't his _fault_. (Why do you still use the word 'save'? Saving is for negotiations and not being killed for failure. It's a dangerous word.)

You're mad at Jim (_Kirk! Kirk, not Jim!_), too, when he's ruining your party. Nurse Chapel stirs on the biobed when a Vulcan does the unthinkable and smiles.

...smiles.

Smiles _in your Sickbay_.


End file.
